By Lin Brehmer

There comes that time in any holiday gathering when people need to go home. If you’re reluctant to say, “Hey, all the wine is gone. Go home,” just play one of these Christmas chestnuts and watch them scatter.

The Christmas Mouse-artist unknown. The numero uno worst Christmas song ever recorded.

Grown men have been known to pull their own heads off at the sound.

This needs to be here. Why? Because you can find it nowhere else. My friend Andy Cirzan has been tortured by this chance discovery of a rare old 45. I have to hear it at least once a year. I mean, I have to hear it no more than once a year. Share it with your relatives. The ones that deserve it.

Root Boy Slim and the Sex Change Band-Christmas at K-Mart. His real name was Foster McKenzie III. A Harvard grad who loved the blues and the bizarre. I got your Blue Light Special right here.

Tiny Tim-Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindoor. His one hit was “Tiptoe thru the Tulips,” but he was rockin’ the ukulele before Eddie Vedder’s parents’ met. This is pretty awful.

Frankie Sidebottom-Christmas is Really Fantastic. Frank E. Lee introduced me to the late great oddity, Frankie Sidebottom. I’ll never forgive him.

Joseph Spence-Santa Claus is Coming To Town. Lauded as one of music’s great grunters, Joseph Spence deconstructs Santa Claus is Coming To Town. Don’t tell anyone but this is my favorite version.

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Comments (10)
  1. Christmas music junkie says:

    I still hate Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer most of all … Joseph Spence may be the oddest thing I’ve ever heard! Awesome find!

  2. Bill Sugas says:

    My ears may never recover; Christmas Mouse is actually the least offensive of the lot; Christmas at K-Mart and Joseph Spense really grate on you…

  3. Bill Sugas says:

    Listening to Sufjan Stevens “Songs for Christmas” to recover:-)

  4. I think my ears are bleeding and my shoulders are in a permanent cringe…

  5. Three words for you Lin: Dominick the Donkey.

  6. Curse you Lin Brehmer! It won’t stop!

  7. says:

    how the song actually changes key for added dramatic effect is special

  8. Christine Clemmons says:

    Oh my goodness. Thank you so much! I haven’t laughed like that in ages!!! I really needed that!!!

  9. Don’t tell anyone, but I actually like the Joseph Spence song.

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