By Emma Mac

I’m sick. I can’t stop sneezing and blowing my nose and my head feels like a balloon.

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It’s going around too, so maybe wash those hands, drink lots of fluids, and start with the Vitamin C before you get tagged. If you do find yourself being one of the unlucky ones like me, get ready for the roller coaster of getting sick that I’ve outlined for you here:

1. Denial
Maybe you’re thinking, “It can’t be me. I wash my hands like a maniac. And I never get sick, it’s just a little headache and it will pass.”

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Ha Ha Ha. How naive you are, thinking you’re invincible. It’s always the unsuspecting ones that get killed first in horror movies…

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2. FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
The symptoms are not stopping, only getting worse by the minute. Now you’re thinking, “Quick, grab some Zicam! Shoot! I’m out of Zicam! What’s happening to me!? What will it be? Fever? Flu? Stomach flu? (That would help with my New Year’s Resolution actually) No! Don’t get distracted! An illness is taking over my body without my permission! How long will it last!? Will I have to miss work? Will it hurt to drink wine!?”

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These questions linger like an annoying ex-boyfriend and the inevitable ensuing shivers lead to the following stage…

3. Acceptance.
By now you’re thinking, “My time has come. I am one of them now.” And just like a good little Zombie in a Zombie Apocalypse, you accept your fate and eat your friends. Just kidding. You accept your fate, feel sorry for yourself, and load up on goodies at the drug store. Kleenex, magazines, ice cream, soup, crackers, chocolate (for the soul), movies, all the fixin’s. And guess what guys? It’s not so bad now that we have a wonderful creation called, NETFLIX. Get comfy, find someone to wait on you hand and foot, and pick a show from the myriad of options that make up the current Golden Age of Television.

I recommend Broad City:

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So there you have it! It’s not so bad. Which is good too, because you could be next…

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