Lin’s Bin: Is He “The One?”

Jane from Oak Park asks, How do I know he is “the one”?

How do you know he’s the one?
Does he take you to a baseball game and try to get the crowd doing the wave?
When he buys a round of shots after the game, is it Malort?
He’s not the one.

When he took you to the concert in the college gymnasium, did he curl up on the floor to take a nap because he indulged in something that was stronger than he thought?

What was your first dinner date like?
Did he snap his fingers to get the server’s attention?
Does he convey an air of superiority? Does he seem to think that the people pouring his water are somehow beneath him?
Did he have so much to drink that he was slurring his words as he offered you a ride home? Life’s too short for a reformation.
He’s not the one.

In the dizzying swirl of courtship, you get the façade. You get the first blush. You see a person with patience and tenderness, but how does he treat other people?
Is he dismissive? Is he insulting? Is he quick to anger?
He’s not the one.
In the long run, how he treats other people may be how he treats you.

If your interior monologue includes the phrases, he’ll change. That’s not who he really is. He’s so much better than my old boyfriend. I probably deserved it.
He’s not the one.

That thing he does with his index finger in his ear that is slightly annoying will become more annoying.
That way he has of laughing like a braying donkey that you can overlook? You can’t overlook.
Is he the one?
Do you have to make excuses for him? Is he just having a bad day?
Is his best friend so obnoxious that he is unendurable?
He’s not the one.

So much about finding the right person is chemistry. Some of it figurative. Some of it, chemicals.
Does his presence fill you with a kind of inarticulate joy? Does he look you in the eyes and stay there? When he touches your cheek or the small of your back, how do you feel? Is your head swimming with broad and powerful strokes?

Is he or she the one? Life is more than just the cocktails. You want all the courses on the menu to delight your palate. So remember. Only time will tell. They don’t give out trophies for couples who rush into a life together. You’re more likely to need a business card from a lawyer.
Is he the one?
Does he make you laugh? Does he know when there are tears on your cheek?
You might want to give him a shot. If he says he doesn’t do shots because he’d rather spend some time with good sipping whiskey, he’s the one.

More from Lin Brehmer
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