A Lin Brehmer Christmas. Five Christmas Songs To Clear The Room

The Christmas Mouse. Grown men have been known to pull their own heads off at the sound.

December 19, 2018

Vera Kailova | Dreamstime.com

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There comes that time in any holiday gathering when people need to go home.  If you’re reluctant to say, “Hey, all the wine is gone. Go home,” just play one of these Christmas chestnuts and watch them scatter.

Root Boy Slim and the Sex Change Band - Christmas at K-Mart.  His real name was Foster McKenzie III.  A Harvard grad who loved the blues and the bizarre.  I got your Blue Light Special right here.

Tiny Tim - Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindoor.  His one hit was “Tiptoe thru the Tulips,” but he was rockin’ the ukulele before Eddie Vedder’s parents’ met.  This is pretty awful.

Frankie Sidebottom - Christmas is Really Fantastic.  Frank E. Lee introduced me to the late great oddity, Frankie Sidebottom.  I’ll never forgive him. Frankie wore a giant fake head for his performances adding to the ‘je ne sais quoi’ of the whole affair.

Joseph Spence - Santa Claus is Coming To Town.  Lauded as one of music’s great grunters, Joseph Spence deconstructs Santa Claus is Coming To Town.  Don’t tell anyone but this is my favorite version.

The Christmas Mouse - The worst Christmas song ever recorded.  Grown men have been known to pull their own heads off at the sound. My friend Andy Cirzan has been tortured by this chance discovery of a rare old 45.  I have to hear it at least once a year.  I mean, I have to hear it no more than once a year.  Share it with your relatives.  The ones that deserve it.

Our Friday Feature is Rockin’ Holiday Songs. I guarantee you will not have to endure any of these selections. Except, perhaps, Joseph Spence-Santa Claus is Coming to Town.

Merry Christmas, music lovers.